Here at ERUHOH, we are dedicated to being your BEST AND ONLY source of enslavement, unpaid work and torture. Of course, with quality service like this, there's always bound to be imitators. It's like Coke and Dr Pepper- there is no comparison.
(Members, if any of you DO like Dr Pepper, I suggest you move to Floor 22B, Weapon Testing, we're running low on cannon fodder this week.)
As I was saying, we do have imitators, which of course Supreme Soul Mate Fabrice has already touched on in his previous newsletters. I won't bother going back into that, as I'm sure you have already committed them to memory.
These emulators of ERUHOH have not ONLY created a cult dedicated, to as they call it, "world assimilation", they ALSO dare to call the leaders of ERUHOH "Hoes Of Hell."
AND they compare us to Austin Powers.
Obviously we are not working on the same level as these..erm.. people, but this issue needs to be combated anyway.
Firstly, two words: pre-time.
No matter WHEN our imitators started their cult, we thought of it before you. Yes, you.
It's pure logic. In fact, ERUHOH stands for, among other things, "WE WERE HERE FIRST". Don't think about that for too long, your head might explode, and yes, you should finish breaking up that pile rocks before that happens.
ALSO, as you all know, Slaves, we are NOT a cult. We are a GLOBAL CORPARATE FAMILY, driven by pure evil. Although our imitators seem to believe we are operating on the same level, little cults with "prophets" and "commandments" are not only out of date, they're damn boring.
ERUHOH, on the other hand operates on mission statements, C.A.O.D objectives and C.E.O's- namely Supreme Soul Mate Fabrice and I.
If you have any questions then GET BACK TO WORK, HEATHENS!
It has come to our attention that we may need to increase numbers in certain areas of ERUHOH, due to the unprecedented amount of new members.
Firstly, if you are David Gray- we CAN secure you that Grammy. Report to headquarters ASAP, and we will
force you to play for hours on end in a cage consider your case.
If you are Alicia Keys, walk off something high. You've outstayed your welcome in our world.
Uh, that is all. Continue.
Finally, just a small housekeeping note. For the sake of ERUHOH's leaders, slaves working on the torture level and mecha cow testing grounds are now
ordered advised to keep your howls of pain down after 9 p.m.
Also, I am pleased to initiate the "Its Your Cage- Take Pride" campaign. This means, if your cage is too freaking dirty WE WILL PUT A MECHA COW IN WITH YOU FOR A WEEK! As you can imagine, this will restrict any movement, but I assure you, the imprints the bars make on your face will disappear after another week or so. This plan also allows us to test run our new children-orientated mecha cow, which recites subliminal messages in the form of an Arabic pop song most days of the week, except from 5 to 8 am on Tuesdays, but our team of
trained monkeys- they work better than you heathens specialists, are working hard to iron out that glitch for you.
Yes, normally these sort of employee campaigns have some sort on incentive, but we know you've grown out of that, and DO PLACE THAT LITTLE VALUE ON YOUR LIFE TO QUESTION US?
Thats all for now, if you haven't signed up for ERUHOH yet, do yourself a favour- I mean, damn, you've had enough warning.
Our reign of terror is about to being in the Netherlands, so I would strongly advise our European readers to get on the RIGHT TEAM before its too late- we are in phase 1! This may be your last chance.
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